E.D. Coping Methods For Spouses

Erectile dysfunction occurs when a man is unable to get or maintain an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse. Erectile dysfunction is a very common condition affecting more than 3 million males in the United States every single year. However, this condition does not only affect the male experiencing the erectile dysfunction but his partner as well, often referred to as the "couple's disease", erectile dysfunction can bring stress to a couple's sex life and the entire relationship.

This can be an extremely sensitive topic for a man to discuss and it is important to understand how to begin a dialogue and discover different methods of coping. Discussing erectile dysfunction with your partner can sound like an uncomfortable situation, however, it is a huge step in finding a solution to overcome and cope with the effects of erectile dysfunction. It is important to remember that erectile dysfunction is treatable and to not get discouraged.

Communication

The key to any successful relationship is open communication, so it should come as no surprise to know that a major coping exercise for erectile dysfunction is open and honest communication. This can be difficult but communication can help reduce the stress that comes with erectile dysfunction.  While erectile dysfunction is extremely common, this condition does not only affect performance and erections. Erectile dysfunction can also cause deep feelings of guilt and embarrassment, ultimately causing distress, depression, and intimacy issues. These feelings can spill over to the partner, leaving them feeling unattractive, unloved, and unwanted.

Opening up to your partner and discussing these feelings can alleviate any misunderstandings and offer assurance for both partners. If you find yourself unable to find the appropriate words that will start a healthy dialogue with your partner, the following can be a great place to begin and can reassure your partner that you are there for them:

• Erectile dysfunction is extremely common and treatable
• Erectile dysfunction does not take away from their masculinity
• Erectile dysfunction does not deplete their desirability
• Their health and well-being are more important than sex
• They are not alone and you are there to offer support

Staying honest and allowing the communication to flow naturally will help alleviate the stress that erectile dysfunction can bring to a relationship. Most importantly, communication can show your partner that you will be there to help them navigate the frustration and stress that comes with erectile dysfunction.

Therapy

Not only can erectile dysfunction cause emotional distress and depression but emotional distress and depression can also cause erectile dysfunction. Therapy and counseling can provide you and your partner with the tools necessary to navigate the mental and emotional effects of erectile dysfunction, such as:

• Stress
• Anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Depression

While some people may feel comfortable discussing their personal struggles and fears with their partner or in front of others, the same can not be said for everyone that deals with this condition. Individual therapy can give someone a safe and private space to openly discuss their struggles and concerns that come with erectile dysfunction.

For those who would like a safe space to openly discuss the effects of erectile dysfunction with their partner but are unsure of where to begin, couples therapy can provide many helpful tools and guidance while you and your partner navigate through uncharted territory. Couples therapy can teach you and your partner how to properly communicate with one another in a healthy and healing way and could even improve issues with sexual intimacy and fear.

Intimacy

Maintaining physical intimacy with your partner while they undergo treatment for erectile dysfunction can be difficult and frustrating for you and your partner. Utilizing nonsexual physical touch can help provide your partner with a sense of support and allow the two of you to feel closer. Different types of nonsexual physical touch include but may not be limited to:

• Kissing
• Cuddling
• Holding hands
• Nonsexual massages

While nonsexual physical touch may be enough for some, it may not be what is right for you and your partner. If you are both craving a more sensual moment together, there are ways to experience a sexual connection without participating in sexual penetration, such as:

• Sensual massages
• Cuddling while nude
• Showering together
• Making out
• Oral sex

It is important to discuss the different needs you and your partner have and what you will be comfortable trying together as a couple. When sex is not an option, couples can find themselves questioning their worth and self-esteem. Remember to communicate and be honest about the way you and him feel, what the two of you need, and how to about accomplishing your goals.

Lifestyle

Treating erectile dysfunction can come with other challenges and may require certain changes to your lifestyle, including:

• Quitting smoking, or tobacco use altogether
• Limiting or completely eliminating alcohol consumption
• Exercise
• Quitting any and all illegal drug use
• Maintaining a healthy body weight
• Cutting out caffeine

Making these changes alone can be difficult so it is important to support your partner as they work on making these changes to their lifestyle. It would also be helpful if you make some of these changes with your partner and embark on a healthier journey as a couple.

Treatment for Erectile Dysfunction

Coping is not always what you can do to help yourself with a situation, it can also be supporting your partner and helping him get the treatment that he needs in order to overcome the condition. It is important to remember that erectile dysfunction affects you both but the condition is his and it is treatable.

Oral Medications

While there are several different types of oral medication that work in different ways, they are quite similar, and it is important to discuss which medication would be best for you and your partner. The different types of erectile dysfunction medications include:

• Viagra (Sildenafil)
• Levitra, Staxyn (Vardenafil)
• Cialis (Tadalafil)
• Stendra (Avanafil)
  

Vacuum Pump

If oral medication has failed or caused unwanted side effects, you can discuss with your partner and his doctor how a penile vacuum pump may be beneficial to your partner. A penile vacuum pump fits over the penis and works by pulling blood into the penis to simulate an erection. Once the penis is erect, a special ring is placed over the base of the penis in order to keep the penis in its erect state.

Injection Therapy

As scary as it sounds, injection therapy has shown to be greatly beneficial to men suffering from erectile dysfunction. This form of therapy involves injecting medicine directly into the penis with a small needle whenever your partner wants an erection. This therapy treatment has a satisfaction rate around 70 percent among those who choose to go this route.

Penile Implants

With a satisfaction rate over 95 percent among individuals with erectile dysfunction, it is easy to see how penile implants would be a preferred treatment option for those suffering from this condition. Penile implants offer a permanent solution for erectile dysfunction and can last 12 to 15 years. If nothing else has worked and you and your partner are looking for a more natural feeling solution, discuss the possibility of a penile implant with your partner and their doctor to see if it would be a good option.

Conclusion

Erectile dysfunction does not only affect the individual with the condition, but their partner as well. It is important for the two of you to understand that you are not alone and there is treatment and counseling available to give you back your healthy and happy relationship. Providing support for each other will be greatly beneficial to not only your mental health but your physical intimacy as well. If you have any questions or concerns, you should discuss them with your partner, therapist, and doctor and follow the protocol and treatment plan that has been set for your partner.

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References:

• https://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/features/a-womans-guide-to-ed
• https://www.healthline.com/health/tips-sexually-frustrated-couples
• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4005452/

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